At Therapy Lancaster, I specialise in Low Self-Esteem.
Below, I outline Low Self-Esteem and how we can overcome it.
Click here if you're wondering how does Low Self-Esteem affect your life?
Low Self-Esteem
The Cycle of Low Self-Esteem
Early Life Experiences
Difficult Emotions
Negative Core Beliefs
Unachievable Values
Unhelpful Behaviours
Feeling you are...
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worthless
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abnormal
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unlovable
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different
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a bad person
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weak
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broken or faulty
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pathetic or useless...
I must always...
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be strong
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fit in
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put others first
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try harder...
I must never...
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let others down
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be abnormal
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make mistakes
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be weak...
Reinforces
Caregivers who were...
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neglectful
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abusive
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strict or inconsistent
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never satisfied with you
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unpredictable
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controlling
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over-protective...
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shame
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hurt
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anger
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numbness
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depression
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anxiety
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fear of death
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self-disgust
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sadness
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hopelessness...
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people pleasing
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procrastination
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perfectionism
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withdrawing socially
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rejecting others
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comparing yourself to others
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worry and rumination
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addictions and obsessions
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neglecting self care
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obsess over work or interests
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seeing flaws but not your worth
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hiding your 'true self' and fearing if others ever see it...
Overcoming
Low Self-Esteem
With integrative therapy, we can approach the cycle of Low Self-Esteem from many angles.
This gives us more opportunities to find change.
We always use approaches that work to your strengths.
Solid ground to stand on
It's relieving to speak knowing you will be truly understood and not judged. There are never any expectations from me to be a certain way - you can be at ease.
Feeling you are valued and appreciated every session for just being you can have a profound impact on self-esteem - giving you what you may have missed out on.
A new perspective
A negative core belief about yourself can feel like fact. In reality, this negative lens means you only tune into information that supports your negative core belief.
By being aware of how your fears and desires may be filtering reality, you can find a more balanced perspective of yourself.
Question unrealistic values
Low self-esteem is driven by unrealistic values; you may try endlessly but you can never fully achieve them, making you feel worse.
By understanding how you got your values and making them more realistic, you can be kinder to yourself and build confidence in your capabilities and worth.
Easier Relationships
The core of Low Self-Esteem is a strong desire to feel valued by others. This can lead to:
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putting others first and neglecting yourself
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can't say no to others
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easily angry and hurt by others
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avoiding socialising
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proving your worth with achievements
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can't make mistakes
These dynamics reinforce low self-esteem. We can explore easier ways to live with others where you feel valued.
Released from your Past
If you didn't feel valued or accepted, were neglected, received abuse, or people were critical or harsh, you can end up believing it is because of who you are.
These experiences are painful and can get buried in your subconscious, so you might not realise they are still impacting your life.
By gently exploring these experiences and giving a voice to the forgotten emotions, the grip they have on your life can be released.
Balanced Emotions
Low self-esteem can manifest as a sinking shame feeling, anger or disgust with yourself, and many other emotions.
These emotions feel like evidence that there is something wrong with you. However, they simply indicate something you need. When we understand what that need is, we can address it - rebalancing the emotion as a result.
With time, you can stay solid and calm in challenging situations, and can approach life with confidence.
